Thoughts

A Deep Dive Into My Active Brain

Two days ago, I wrote all about my super fun 26th birthday celebrations, but I began the post by writing that I had conflicting feelings. I felt like just talking about how great my birthday was wasn’t fair to the struggles I had gone though just weeks before and the underlying uneasy feelings I had lingering about a myriad of things going on in the world and in my life. So, here is a brief update on my thoughts, my life, and my feelings.

Workin’ girl Pt. 2 

Last November, I shared a blog post titled “Workin’ Girl” because I was over the moon that I had just gotten a new job that made me feel like I finally “made it” as a journalist. Well, let’s just say that feeling quickly dwindled and as soon as the new year began I started feeling quite uneasy about a few things involving my job. I will say that I have the utmost respect for the people I met and worked with at my previous job, but I felt my overall role didn’t align with my longterm goals in life. So, one day, I randomly logged onto LinkedIn and saw that one of the companies I always had my eye on — HollywoodLife — was hiring. I knew I had to apply.

My final days at The Sun

Fat forward about a month, many interviews with HollywoodLife and another huge entertainment company later, I landed what seems to be my “dream job” for my current life situation. I could not be more thrilled to be an entertainment news writer for the site and be back in the world of celebrities. It also meant a lot to me that I got this job because I had emailed the CEO of the company out of desperation about two years ago just to shoot my shot, and it truly feels like a full circle moment. I have been working there for a month now, and I am truly enjoying it and feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. Fingers crossed, because I truly feel like this will be a long-term job for me.

Those closest to you are the ones who will hurt you

Next! Next up, I finally experienced the valuable lesson that I have heard time and time again before: Those closest people to you are the ones who will hurt you. I’m not going to start naming names and bashing anyone, but someone who has been in my life for almost 10 years never paid me back for a group trip we went on together. It is now four months later and I have been paid $15 of the $250 I am owed. That first payment came about three weeks ago. The problem isn’t the money; it’s the way the situation was handled. My friend, who is supposed to be more like family, was never able to pay for the trip and never let me know. Instead, my friend complained that I was asking them for the money and then basically went silent on me until they felt bad enough to contact me and work things out. I do believe we will be able to move past this and I know I will eventually get paid the money, but I now have learned my lesson with this individual.

And before someone says I should never involve money with friends and family, stop victim shaming. I have given my best friend my actual credit card and never had an issue with her paying me back. Money is sadly a problem for a lot of people, and it’s a really mind-boggling issue to me. But believing a dear friend when they say they’re going to pay you back is not a crime. And even if I didn’t want to put out the money for another person in the first place, I had to because you can’t split trip reservations on several cards. I will, however, keep this experience in mind with the person moving forward. In the end, I do think this person and I will be able to stay friends. This incident can be forgiven, but will not be forgotten. 

I am old and cranky

I look pretty old and cranky, don’t you think?

While the state of the world is quite hard to swallow for a young woman like myself, one thing I do enjoy is the fact that my generation seems to be able to stick up for themselves. My generation has seen the trauma our parents went through and observed the mistakes they made as we were growing up and we are not afraid to make seemingly unconventional moves to avoid having the same experiences. For instance, many of us are against having kids even though that’s what is expected once we hit a certain age. We also will set boundaries with toxic family members instead of smiling and nodding our heads because that’s what you should do with family.

There is the common stereotype that old people are “cranky” and don’t care about anything because they’ve seen it all and lived through everything imaginable. Well, I guess I am old because I am cranky, too. And by that, I mean I am 26 years old and I have begun to stick up for myself instead of sitting down and accepting poor treatment because I’m supposed to respect my elders. I am confident in the young woman my parents have raised me to be, and I no longer feel the need to be “polite” if someone is impolite to me. Now this does not mean I am going to be rude to anyone. I fully believe that kindness is always the answer, but if someone wants to know why they upset me, I will calmly let them know. If someone makes an insulting statement to me, I will kindly call them out on it. I am a 26-year-old adult and I will no longer accept poor treatment by people when I have given them nothing but my respect and kindness. 

Friendships come and go as they’re meant to

I have said this before. I fully believe friendships are super important to maintain, and even science backs that. A 2005 Australian study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health found that strong relationships with friends — not family and children — help reduce the risk of death, per WebMD. I have also said that I know not all friendships are meant to last, and even though I know that, losing touch with someone who was once one of my best friends really hurt me this year.

A photo of my friends celebrating my 25h birthday. This group has since changed.

I had been friends with this girl since I was 15 and at one point we were even each other’s best friends. Sadly, though, I felt her caring less and less about maintaining our relationship. Over the past two years, we had hung out a handful of times because I reached out. I was invited to her birthday in 2021, but I felt like it was out of obligation. The feeling grew deeper when I realized all of her college friends were invited back to her house after dinner and I was not. Fast forward to August 2021, I invited her to a baseball game with two of my other friends. I texted her the next day that I was happy she came and she shared a similar sentiment. In September, I invited her to the winery. I never heard anything back and never heard from her again. I got the message loud and clear. That friendship meant nothing to her and it was time for me to stop trying.

This also ties into the theme from my second blurb of this post that those closest to you will hurt you, even when you don’t expect it. Being aware and accepting of this unavoidable life rule doesn’t make the sting any less painful. However, I know that I am always the best friend I can be, and those who don’t want me in their lives any longer have truly lost a loyal and caring friend. If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you have heard me rave about my friends and how much they mean to me. I have always been a social butterfly and I always will be. My friends know they can always count on me and trust me with their deepest secrets, and I know I can count on them for the same. And that’s what really matters. I only want people in my life who want me in theirs.

I was really close to reaching out to the above-mentioned ex-friend to ask what happened, but I know I did nothing wrong and I feel like she has made it clear she does not care. And that’s okay. Friendships come and go. They serve their purpose, and hopefully, positively affect your life when you have them. 

If you’ve made it this far, you have just finished reading some of my most personal thoughts and feelings. I love reflecting on my life from one point to another because it gives me a sense of how my life has evolved and what lessons I learned and experiences I had on the way. I now feel such a release and like I have lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Turning 26 was beautiful, even if some of the experiences I had leading up to the new year of life weren’t. And that’s just life. Okay, back to regularly scheduled content, whatever that means. 

1 thought on “A Deep Dive Into My Active Brain”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s