Miley Cyrus recently stopped by the Call her Daddy podcast as she promoted her new single “Midnight Sky.” As you can imagine, they talked about everything under the sun from family and love to sex and drugs. I was really intrigued to hear the former Disney star’s take on relationships, both intimate and platonic. During the discussion, she basically gave a mini course on how to attract the people you want in your life. “You can create a filtration system, so I’ve filtered my life of what I will accept and what I will not,” she said. So how does she run her “filtration system?” Let’s look at her steps below.
Bring people into your life who elevate it
Miley Cyrus does not take lightly the people she brings into her life, and neither should we. Cyrus says it’s all about the quality of people she invites into her world. “The main thing for me is someone has to bring something that is elevating my life,” she noted. “But quality, emphasis on quality, like not just time, I don’t want you to just like to fill the space.” Basically, she doesn’t want someone sitting there like a weight bringing her essence down. She wants a person to help propel her forward while she does the same for them (and we know she is a woman with a lot to offer).
I have the same sentiment. I don’t want to stay friends with someone who always cancels or is late to our plans. I need a friend who I can rely on to enjoy life’s moments with me. So, I am going to let go of the people who are not able to give that to me, since I am more than happy to give that to others who can in return. Likewise, you might have other priorities. You may want to build a healthy lifestyle, so you might join a fitness group or reach out to your fit friend to hold you accountable. If you want to quit drinking alcohol, you’re not going to continue to go out with the people who influence you to do that.
It’s important to find relationships you can count on, and people who motivate you through the hard times and celebrate with you during your successes, and of course, you need to be accountable to do the same. So, how do you find these people? Don’t worry, Cyrus has us covered.
Intentionally look for the traits you want in a friend or partner
Miley Cyrus tries to find people like her mom, who she says is the most important person to her in the world. “I write down her qualities of what I love about her and I try to find people like that,” she explained. So if there is someone you look up to, be it a family member or a public figure, try to find people who mimic the characteristics of that person.
Cyrus also lends a bonus tip: don’t look for people you need in the wrong places. For instance, she says she isn’t going to to to Burger King if she is looking for someone to eat healthy. “It’s like you can really control the kind of people that are gonna light flow in and out of your life,” the 28-year-old confirmed.
So we know who to look for and where to find them. How do we make sure we follow through? Cyrus puts her philosophy to work by bringing pen to paper.
Write lists so you can keep track of what a person is binging into your life
This might sound a little bit extra, and maybe it is. But if you’re serious about the people you allow in your life, Miley Cyrus swears by this method as a way “to not get lost in the emotion.” Although she uses the list technique when going through a break up, I think it can be transitioned to other relationships in your life up for debate. Here is the method broken down:
- Make a list of what you are gaining and losing from a relationship, and what the person in question is subtracting or adding to your life
- Then assign value to these traits on a one-to-ten scale (or one-to-five if that works for you)
- Add everything up, so you can see how much you are losing or gaining
“If the person was adding more to your life than you know what is expected for your next relationship,” Cyrus explained. “And what they were subtracting you know what you will not accept ever again.” Is this woman genius, or what?
So what have we learned? Basically, we need to find people in sensible places, make sure they have the traits we want reflected in our lives and be conscious of who is bringing what into our lives. I do want to add a disclaimer: While it is important to only accept who and what we want in our lives, we need to make sure we are being the best friend/partner/sister/brother/etc. for those important to us because it’s not just a one-way commitment. Thanks for the tips Miley!