Thoughts

It’s the Last Day of May

How has it been two months since I posted? I didn’t mean to let that time slip away, but I just could not bring myself to write. So much has happened since I last posted, and it never really felt like the right time to say anything.

I left California on March 18, which is when I was supposed to be saying goodbye to my boyfriend who was visiting me. Instead I hopped on a plane with him and cried as we landed in New York because I couldn’t be happier to be home. I thought I would be there for two weeks. Boy, have plans changed.

I left California because my job officially scheduled the whole staff to work remotely due to the coronavirus pandemic. I was quite naïve to think I would actually be back working in person in two weeks, but I didn’t know how deadly this virus would be.

I was so excited to be home. I was thankful beyond belief to have this unexpected time with my family, my boyfriend and his family. However, that excitement turned to restlessness. It turned to anger that those unemployed were making more than me while I picked up loads of work due to a down-sized staff and lost hours. It turned to frustration as I battled myself trying to act completely happy in front of my boyfriend’s family as we got used to this new normal. I felt like I did nothing but work, eat and sleep. I couldn’t think of seemingly anything but the struggles of my past. I grew hopeless because of this and started feeling like life was pointless. This isn’t a feeling new to me; when I’m not active and being “productive” I get into this type of funk. I knew this pandemic would not be easy, but I never felt so desperate.

I was supposed to be on here describing my 24th birthday and how I finally saw my friends after a year-long wait. I was going to start posting some of my writing from previous travels. But how could I write when I was feeling like that? I don’t like being untrue in my blog.

It’s the last day of May. I have worked every day of this month building up the courage to finally write. This isn’t the happy, positive post that’s usually on my blog, but I have to be honest.  It’s the last day of May, which means the weather is getting nicer here in New Jersey. It’s the last day of May, which means summer—the season I literally live for—is just about here.

Things are looking better. Coronavirus complications pushed my boyfriend’s family’s North Carolina vacation forward to next week (!), my dad and grandfather purchased a new boat after debating about it for years and I got my full work hours back. Things aren’t normal by any means. The pandemic is still alive and well (although people are thinking it magically disappeared) and there are protests going on all through America (and rightfully so). People are saying the world went downhill when Kobe Bryant died, but I think that started happening when Princess Diana passed. Regardless, 2020 has been the absolute craziest year of many people’s lives, including my own, and the last calendar year has been an “adventure” for me to say the least.

Speaking of adventure, I want to write about the meaning of that in my next post. I’ll leave you with this: if you’ve about had it with the world, there is ALWAYS something to look forward to—even if it’s tough to believe it.

Sarawhitmanythought 1: Should I post some of my old travels?

Sarawhitmanythought 2: I understand people have it way worse than me, and I shouldn’t even be complaining, but I have to be open. This is sarawhitmanyTHOUGHTS, anyway!

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